Bermuda Beach Blanket Bingo, Chapter VI, June 8, 2011

Since this was another totally "at-sea" day we took full advantage of the opportunity to sleep in.  We knew we would be having lunch in the Magellan Dining Room rather than the Windjammer because the Russos had to "slam" an extra bottle of wine from their "Platinum Package" (lushes!) that they had missed on Monday night due to our extended "shopping" tour of Bermuda.  We were as surprised to see waiter Darryl as he was to see us.  Our table companions, however, were from Pittsburgh and were not happy to learn we were from Wisconsin!  LOL!

I was going to participate in the belly flop competition, as I usually do, but by the time I reached the pool deck the entries were closed.  I don't think I would have beaten the eventual gold medalist, Corey from Vermont.  He had one weight class on me, if not two.  The Russos later suggested that I should have just brought along my sliver medal from a previous cruise.  I'll have to try to remember that for the next one!

We could not secure a good spot for the ice sculpting which followed the belly flopping so we turned our chairs around to face the deck 12 jogging track so we could watch the Russos participate in "Walk for Wishes" for the Make-a-Wish Foundation.  They made five laps around the track and we waved to each other on each pass.  Afterward, Jill decided we should also support the cause or perhaps she just liked the looks of the T-shirts.

While we continued working on our tans the Russos headed to the rock-climbing wall.  It was a very windy day and they were curious if it were even open to passengers.  I never did find out how that went!

After we figured we had had enough sun we went down to the Royal Promenade to shop.  I was already in the Champagne Bar before Jill had finished shopping.  Finally, I had to go roust her from the shops.  After a refreshing round of drinks we returned to our cabin only to find out we would later be heading right back to the Champagne Bar with the Russos!

We made our final visit to the Palace Theater to watch the farewell production, "Invitation to Dance."  It was choreographed by Louis Van Amstel of ABC's "Dancing with the Stars."  Even though we are not DWTS fans, we enjoyed the show.

We had a half hour to kill before dinner so, as previously reported, we returned to the Champagne Bar.  Dawson, our previous bartender/waiter, was surprised to see us back so soon.  Unfortunately, Ken was not too happy with Dawson, since every supposedly different drink Dawson mixed tasted like a "Toasted Almond" to Ken.  This became the standing joke of the night.

We had our final dinner with Darryl and Komang.  We could tell it was the last night because the kitchen was obviously trying to get rid of everything.  As I recall, we were able to sample just about every entree on the menu!  We were definitely stuffed after this meal!  Ken asked one of the other waiters to snap a group photo of the Russos with Darryl and Komang.  (As of this posting, I am still waiting for Ken to figure out how to get the picture out of his camera and into his email.  I am afraid I will have to wait until one of his "runaway" daughters returns home to teach him!  LOL!)  Komang and Lisa had to say good-bye for, most likely, forever.  Sniff, sniff!  Ken was highly steamed at the head waiter for not even bothering to make a cameo appearance at our table to accept his tip envelope and wondered aloud if the tip could be rescinded!  I told Ken I hadn't even bothered to bring my tip envelope along with me.  With the exception of lobster night, I never had any contact with him.  {THIS POSTING SHALL BE CONTINUED...}

My fellow Protestants let me down

I thought I would take a break from vacation journaling to bring you up to date on my quest for a part-time job.  Let's call this series "Larry's Bogus Journey."

During Fourth of July week I was informed by one of the agencies I have been working with that a Protestant-run retirement community was interested in my payroll expertise and wanted to interview me on July 14th.  They would get back to me later with the time.  So...July 14th arrived and I sat at my kitchen table waiting for the telephone to ring.  As my mother said in an oft-quoted, famous family recording I once made, "Here I sit with my education."  Finally, at 2:30, the long-awaited call arrived.  It was the lady from the recruiting agency.  "Here is what they told me," she began.  "You would soon be bored and ready to leave, so they are no longer interested in interviewing you."  "Wow," I replied.  She concluded our conversation with, "That's what you get for being a good employee."

Rather than go into a long tirade I will simply leave you with one of my favorite quotes, from the French mathematician and Catholic philosopher Blaise Pascal.  "Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from a religious conviction."  Amen.

Bermuda Beach Blanket Bingo, Chapter V, June 7, 2011

We barely made it down to the wharf on time for the “deluxe bus tour” [translation:  broken-down van] for the Horseshoe Bay Beach excursion.  David, a native Bermudian, was our driver.  Billed as a “pink” sand beach, it turned out to be a scam.  It looked like Bradford Beach sand to me except sans trash.  When our group decided on our spot, I backtracked up the beach to rent a chair for Jill.  The rental cost was $11 plus a $5 deposit, prompting another customer to chuckle, “You can buy this chair at Home Depot for $10 and keep it!”  I did not require a chair for myself since I stayed in the ocean the entire time.  Eventually, all of the Russos straggled into the water.  The only holdout was Jill.  I remember taking a temperature reading but it is not in my notes.  I do recall commenting that it was definitely not as warm as the Pacific Ocean off Hawaii.  We all liked the clear water and smooth, sandy bottom with no sharp pebbles.  Jill got a lot of sun on her face, which she loves.  Later, it would turn out to be lobster night, which couldn’t have been more perfect because Jill looked like one!  LOL!  On the drive back to the ship we asked David about the Waterloo House, a favorite haunt of Jill’s former client Lanny, a nine-time visitor to Bermuda.  David informed us that we were two years too late; the Waterloo House was history.  We would have to go back to Milwaukee and break the bad news to Lanny that we were unable to play skittles there.  L      

Back at the ship the Russos were determined to hit the hot tubs.  We tried to “feed” them a  lunch  invitation to the Windjammer but Diane protested, “I’m already wet!”  So we parted ways and headed to the Windjammer by ourselves.  Despite the ship being in port the Windjammer was as busy as if we were at sea.  Window tables were at a premium.  Fortunately, we spotted an elderly (well, older than us) couple leaving and immediately commandeered their table.  Unfortunately, they returned a couple minutes later and demanded their table back.  A real man would have protested but I immediately surrendered and moved to another.  A gentleman seated at another window table overheard our altercation and kindly offered his table to us.  Despite all of this we still managed to enjoy our lunch.  Finally, the wife of the other couple came over and apologized.  Sweet.

Ever heard of speed dating?  Well, after lunch all we had time for was speed shopping.  As we headed back out to King’s Wharf most of the passengers were returning to the ship.  We found the only shop with men’s tank tops at the Clock Tower Mall.  I tried on every XXL without success.  (Once again, growing boy.)  However, Jill scored two matching sweatshirts for us on sale.  Another shop was out of a beaded butterfly top Jill wanted.  Had the butterfly not flown away I would have selected a “Royal Naval Dockyard” tee in a matching color.  Instead she found  an “I  Love Bermuda” tank for herself and a “Dark ‘n’ Stormy” tee for me.       

We made it back to the ship at 4:30 on the dot [the passenger “curfew”].  Diane reported that after hot-tubbing she did some reading on her balcony and then showered.   We found the girls in their cabin.  We returned to our cabin and took a refreshing nap (sound familiar?).  Unfortunately, we napped straight through the “headliner” show.  Ken would later report that the comedian was very good.  Ugh!  We rejoined the Russos at 8:30 in the Columbus Dining Room.  Three of us made Ken queasy by ordering the mushrooms in puff pastry appetizer.  Yum!  As previously reported, it was lobster night.  More yums!  Even though Jill’s face matched the lobster, she did not order one.  Dessert was cherries jubilee.  A hat trick of yums! 

After dinner we headed down to Studio B for “The Quest.”  I remembered the title from the previous cruise but not what it was all about.  It soon came back to me, an adult scavenger hunt.  The audience was divided into teams.  The cruise director then asked each team to produce certain items, some innocent [a $50 bill] and others not so innocent [a bra].  The final “item” involved a male member of each team having to put on a bra, women’s shoes, etc., and then they were all judged in a mock beauty pageant.  It was hilarious. 

Our final activity of the day was watching the 70’s revue on the Royal Promenade.  The cruise director donned an Afro and led his staff, dressed as members of the Village People, in a medley of their hits.  The Russos retired and we went down to the Art Gallery and tried in vain  to find Jill’s picture with the “sailor” [a  member  of  the photographer’s staff dressed as one].

Bermuda Beach Blanket Bingo, Chapter IV, June 6, 2011

We started off the day with a tiny mishap.  We misplaced four people, the Russos!  After the Explorer of the Seas [that's our ship, by the way] docked at King's Wharf, Royal Naval Dockyard, Bermuda, we were supposed to meet just off the ship for the ferry to St. George.  There's no way we could have beaten the Russos off the ship, we thought, and Diane did mention that she did not want to miss the last [10:15] ferry.  So we shrugged our shoulders, purchased our all-day bus-and-boat passes and headed for the ferry.  I told Jill to hold our place in line and I would work my way to the front of the line and look for the Russos.  No luck.  As we waited to board, the 10:00 ferry started to pull away from the dock.  "They must be on that one," I sighed.  "We'll have to hook up in St. George."  As we were sitting aboard our ferry, waiting for the stroke of 10:15, Jill suddenly spotted the Russos ambling up the gangway!  "We thought we were meeting just outside the ship," gently scolded Diane.  "Well," I explained, "when we didn't see you at the ticket window, we thought we were late as per usual and headed straight for the ferry."  "Fortunately," Diane chuckled, "you both wore bright orange today and were easy to spot!"

The ferry ride to St. George took about one and one-half hours.  Our first stop on our self-guided walking tour was the Perfumerie, founded in 1928.  They not only sell perfume; they make it here as well.  Jill and I ultimately selected a bottle of "Fresh Water," a unisex scent, to share.

Our second stop was St. Peter's Anglican Church, founded circa 1612.  We were impressed by all the cedar (of Lebanon?).  The headstones on the graves encircling the church certainly looked as if they been there since the 1600's!

Our final stop was a bakery where we sampled rum cakes.  Yum!  We chuckled to ourselves, "Is that all there is to 'do' St. George?"  We asked the locals where the bus stop was and were directed to the police station.

Our first stop on our bus tour was Crystal Cave.  Zeko, our tour guide, led us down the 88 (!) steps to the cave.  He explained that the cave was originally discovered in 1907 by two boys retrieving their cricket ball.  He also told us that crystal-clear Cahow Lake at the bottom of the cave remained a constant 68 degrees, although it looked much colder to us.  One the many calcite formations was a Drexel [University] dragon [where Stephanie is attending medical school]!

During a moment of temporary insanity we had followed the Russos' lead and signed on for a second cave, Fantasy Cave, but my knees and I protested, "Another 88 steps are too much work for a vacation!"  At this point I was more interested in a cold "Dark 'n' Stormy" [national drink of Bermuda]!  Undaunted, the robust Russos tackled the second cave while we waited outside on a shady bench.  Shortly after we wimped out, another gentleman on what would have been our tour also followed suit, citing claustrophobia and 100% humidity inside the cave.  Tour guide for the second cave was Uniquo, which caused me to doubt that that was his real name and also question Zeko's!  When the Russos returned, I asked if they felt it were worth another 88 steps.  "Well," Diane replied, "there were a lot more, neat formations."  Nevertheless, I still think when you've seen one cave, you've seen 'em all!

For lunch/dinner [it was now 3:30] we chose the Swizzle Inn because it is the oldest pub in Bermuda [some 300 years old], because it is the home of the famous Bermuda rum swizzle drink and because, as Mallory said about Mount Everest, "it was there" [within walking distance of the caves].  There was some controversy between Diane and me about whether the rum swizzle or the "Dark 'n' Stormy" were the official drink of Bermuda.  According to Frommer's Bermuda 2011, "the rum swizzle is the most famous cocktail in Bermuda.  [However,] for decades, the true Bermudian has preferred a drink called 'Dark 'n' Stormy.'  It has been called the national drink of Bermuda."  Now having sampled both, Ken and I prefer the "Dark 'n' Stormy."  Thanks to Laurie, our ponderously slow waitress, we designated the Swizzle Inn a "dive" and a "mistake."  However, she turned out to be a blessing in disguise for the husbands.  By the time we reached Hamilton to do some shopping, it was 6:05 and Hamilton had already rolled up its sidewalks at 6:00!

We originally had planned to take the last ferry of the day at 8:30 back to King’s Wharf but Diane quipped disgustedly, “It [the last ferry] might as well be at 6:30!”  Ken and I snoozed on the way back.  Then, to add further torture to the day’s death march, they led us the wrong way to the ship and we had to backtrack.  After a quick shoe change we regrouped at Johnny Rockets for two-for-one milkshakes.  Yum!  (Poor Komang must have been longing for Lisa in the dining room.  L)  We were supposed to meet again in the Art Gallery but I suggested we rest our weary bones a bit and meet for the Newlywed Game instead.  After a refreshing nap we headed down to the Palace Theater.  Jill tried to volunteer us as one of the contestant couples but I refused to stand up.  I had to chuckle when I overheard someone seated behind me ask, “Why is that woman standing up by herself?”  The three couples selected were 60 years, 29 years and 3 days.  It was a hoot!  The 3-day couple prevailed.  The 60-year couple was cute but the wife was at a loss on how to answer the inappropriate questions!  It was a good thing Stephanie and Lisa are both over 21!  We then missed our final connection at the midnight buffet.  However, we did see the “Watermelon Man” sculpture and the palm trees made out of bread.  Failing to find the Russos, we called it a night.  However, I did leave a note in their keycard slot that we did make an effort to locate them.

Bermuda Beach Blanket Bingo, Chapter III, June 5, 2011

Since this was a totally "at-sea" day we took advantage of the opportunity to sleep in.  At 11:30 I went up to the Windjammer in search of a coffee fix and the Russos.  While sipping my coffee I listened to the captain's noon report:  65 degrees, calm seas, halfway between New Jersey and our final destination, Bermuda, 300-plus miles off the coast of Cape Hatteras, North Carolina.  When I had finished my coffee, I called Kommander Ken from the Windjammer's "house" phone (would that be "ship" phone?) to get the day's marching orders.  The six of us then had lunch together.  After lunch we went down to the Art Gallery to review our pictures.  The Russos were highly steamed that they could not locate their welcome-aboard picture.  Diane theorized that it had never been printed.  (They never did find it.)  Stephanie, Lisa and I donned our swimming suits and headed for one of the hot tubs on the pool deck.  Jill preferred to camp out in one of the nearby deck chairs while Diane and Ken opted for working out.  Stephanie, 25, and Lisa, just turned 21 in May, made up for lost time by having two drinks in the hot tub.  I called out to Jill, "Can you believe these two lushes?"  I then turned to Lisa and announced, "I am resting my liver for tonight."  "Where is the sport in that?" Lisa immediately quipped back.  After leaving the hot tub and drying off, we reassembled in Studio B for the ice skating show, "Spirit of the Seasons."  My personal favorite was Larissa the hula hoop girl, whom we would later meet in person on Thursday on the shuttle bus from the ship to US Customs.

It was then time to take showers and dress up for the one and only formal night of the cruise (thank you, Jesus!) although I had bought two shirts on the mean streets of Newark, risking my life!  Several lines had formed for formal pictures so, rather than try to locate the Russos, we just picked one line and got into it.  The little Asian photographer was very exacting but we would later be delighted with the results.  We soon found the Russos swilling free champagne near where the captain would soon be delivering his welcome-aboard address.  He would also go on to introduce his chiefs of staff, some of whom were German, explaining why we have never been disappointed with Royal Caribbean Cruise Line.  "When the Germans do something, they do it right."~Harry Vlahos  At dinner Komang continued to tell tales of Indonesia to Lisa and to us.  I did not notice this myself but I was told that, at one point, the head waiter became concerned with the disproportionate amount of time Komang was spending with Lisa.  This development took me down memory lane back to the Mexican cruise of 1997.  Most of the waiters paid special attention to surgically-enhanced "Barbie" [not her real name, just a nickname we gave her].  However, the head waiter not only had no objections to her distracting his wait staff but even wanted a piece of the action himself!  Diane and Ken took us by surprise by telling Darryl that they were very interested in India and even wanted to visit there.  This is news to us, thought Jill and I.  Diane and Ken later explained that it was only so that Darryl would not feel left out of the "Komang & Lisa Show."  I neglected to introduce the third member of our serving team, Jason the "shooter boy" from Mauritius [an island nation 500 miles east of Madagascar].  After each dinner Jason would appear with a tray of the "shooters" [shots] of the day in commemorative Royal Caribbean shooter glasses.  Each shooter consisted of Bailey's Irish Cream and one or more other ingredients.  "Everything tastes better with Bailey's in it."~Ken  The concept of "shooter person" was introduced to us on Diane and Jill's 50th birthday cruise in 2006.  Our first shooter person was a girl, Hangmi, from India, although she looked Asian.  To this day I am still highly steamed at Ken for not snapping a photo of the super cute Hangmi.  (Hey, I write; I don't do pictures.)  Diane, however, thought Jason was cute as well.

As I started typing this posting, I became excited when I noticed that I had a follower!  It turned out to be me.  LOL!  I have met the enemy and it is myself!