A Lutheran 24/7!

I meant to share this story with my pastors upon my initial return to my church.  During my two days of sedation, which I have no recollection of, one of my visitors was the chaplain for the Wisconsin Heart Hospital.  He led my family members - wife Jill, sister Penny and niece Kassie - in the Lord's Prayer.  Halfway through it, he looked up and nudged Penny.  "Look, Larry is praying along with us!  You told me he was out of it!"  "He is out of it," responded Penny.

The moral of this story is:  if anyone doubts that a Lutheran can pray the Lord's Prayer in his sleep, I am living proof that it is true!

Wifey is Real!

Some of my texting buddies do not believe that Wifey is real.  Here is a picture of her (right) along with my handsome self (left) and my late, beloved Mommy (center).  This picture was taken exactly two years ago at my niece Becky's wedding.  I can appreciate my texting buddies' disbelief or jealousy.  Most of them do not have a significant other.  I am not being judgmental, just factual.  LOL.  To be fair, all of us text because we have no lives.  LOL.

Jill's Bicycle Leaves Garage (Temporarily)

Jill's bicycle, unused since at least 2000, when she was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, a nerve disease causing widespread pain.  It was going to go to a deserving young lady in Texas if she wanted it.  Even though she did not respond either way, I believe her pride makes her uncomfortable accepting the kindness of strangers.  She does have my admiration for trying to make it on her own on fast food wages.  Jill's bicycle will now go back up on its hooks in the garage, like one of the toys on the Island of Misfit Toys.

"Freak Fifty" declared "freaktastic!" - Part I

[Saturday, September 1, 2012]  "Everything went smoothly."~Penny  Not quite.  If it had, I would have nothing to write about!  LOL!

The day started with Freakboy [Dan] having to act as mediator between his two sisters, Beth and Kassie.  Kassie reported that her family had gotten a late start leaving Columbus.  Dan reminded her that gung-ho Beth would be anxious to get underway.  I could not resist jumping into the fray, texting and fibbing, "Beth is already here and ready to go!"  Not to be outquipped, Kassie texted back, "Then we are turning around and heading back home.  It is not a family bike ride if people are left behind!"  After telling Kassie she was turning into her grandma (no offense, Grandma!) Dan's group [Dan, Maria, Penny and myself] loaded our bikes on, and ourselves into, Dan's vehicle and departed for the trail-head of the Little Miami National Scenic River Trail.

Ironically, after all the drama, Beth's and Kassie's families pulled into the trail-head parking lot simultaneously.  Upon seeing Kassie's vehicle, Dan suddenly realized he had forgotten their t-shirts back at his house.  Mishap #1.  Penny, who was not riding but instead captaining the support squad, immediately stated she would drive back to Dan's house, retrieve the t-shirts and bring them to the first rest stop in Loveland.  Unfortunately, Kassie sealed her family's own doom by talking her mother into driving her van.  When Penny arrived back at Dan's house, she reached up to press the button to open the garage door as Dan had instructed her to do to enter the locked house.  At this moment, she realized, oops, she was not driving Dan's vehicle!  Mishap #2.

The eleven starting riders enjoyed a nice 9-mile ride between Milford and Loveland.  It was humid but the temperature was nowhere near last year's 100 degrees.  Coincidentally, there were also eleven riders last year but not the same eleven as this year.  It was Kassie's, Maria's and Rosie's first year behind the handlebars.  They replaced Elise and Gavin, who had to work, and Ally, who wimped out at Loveland last year and decided not to ride at all this year.  Superwimps Jill and Penny have never ridden but somebody's gotta be on the support squad.  I biked alongside Kassie and chatted with her about the new school year at Ashland University, where she is an adjunct professor.  I also biked with Beth and we compared notes about the plethora of satellite radio channels available to us in our respective new vehicles.

I am going to break this up into two or more parts.  I want to give my ardent followers something to read right away while not losing the attention of my not-so-ardent followers.  I also want to turn control of my laptop over to CyberDefender so they may speed it up before I smash it!

To be continued...

"Freak Fifty" Foto Gallery

The entire ensemble of "Freak Fifty" Fools.  Standing (from left to right):  Dan (the Freak himself), Jim-Bob, Seth, Rosie, Caleb, Elise, Carrie, Ally and Phil.  Seated (from left to right):  Beth, Maria, Kassie, Jill and Larry.  Ally, Jill and Penny (the photographer) served on the support squad.  This picture was taken outside Miranda's Ice Cream Parlor in Morrow, Ohio, the halfway point and lunch break.

The "Freak Fifty" Final Four:  Jim-Bob, Larry, Kassie and Dan (the Freak).  These were the only four to undertake the return trip from Morrow to Milford and finish the full "Freak Fifty."

Larry arrives in Loveland, Ohio.  This was the last rest stop before the final leg of the "Freak Fifty."

Jim-Bob and Dan (the Freak) arrive at the finish line at the trail-head in Milford, Ohio.

Kassie and Larry arrive at the finish line, concluding the second annual "Freak Fifty."  Final total per Larry's bike computer:  46.85 miles.

 

The night I almost had to give the sermon

My Lutheran church has a very "informal" Wednesday night service.  On several occasions the hymn boards were not changed.  There was nothing I could do about this since I don't know where the numbers and stepladder are stored.  (Perhaps I should investigate.)  On several other occasions the stands into which the communicants are to deposit their individual wine cups were not put out.  Even though I am not an elder or even an usher I brought out these stands.  On another occasion, due to a shortage of ushers, I was pressed into service to help collect the offering.  On another occasion, due to the usher(s) suddenly disappearing, I passed out the bulletins.  On another particularly humorous occasion during Advent, on my way up to the balcony to find a seat, I spotted our organist on the first floor.  Wishing to say hello, I walked over to her.  She handed me her keys and instructed, "Please park my car."  Finally, on one occasion when she and the assistant organist had a miscommunication and the former failed to show up, I almost had to play the organ.  All of these incidents combine to move me to quip, "I have done everything on Wednesday night except give the sermon!"

Last night my worst nightmare almost came true.  It was 6:30 and the organist had not started playing.  I looked up into the balcony and she was not even sitting on the organ bench.  Instead, she was running around the narthex [lobby] of the church.  I looked at Jill and whispered, "I don't think the pastor is here yet."   I looked again into the narthex and observed the organist's husband, the elder on duty, pacing and talking into his cell phone.  At 6:35 the organist came to the front of the church.  "The pastor is on his way but is stuck in traffic.  We will sing some songs while we wait."  Before she could start the first song, her husband also came to the front of the church.  "The pastor is here now and we will be underway shortly."  The organist ascended to the balcony and began playing the pre-service music.
At 6:45 our senior pastor appeared, apologized and promised that he would make up the time by cutting back on his sermon.  The congregation chuckled appreciatively, since he is known for his long-winded sermons, and I gave a sigh of relief.  He did make good on his promise, cutting back from his usual 25 minutes to 15.

[For the record, I am not an ordained Lutheran minister and may never give the sermon.  LOL.]   

I survived the Port Washington 50! (Part II)

Before I begin part II, I feel the need to apologize to the fourth member of our team, Paul, for my slight of not mentioning him in part I.  While not a founding member of the Port Washington 50, he earned the dubious distinction of bringing rain to our event for the first time back when he signed on.  Howl-ever, he finally lived down his title of "Rainman" this year when even he could not end the drought of 2012!

After using one of my two allotted cell phone calls to tell Jill we had safely made it to Port Washington, we bid farewell to Harry's and PW.  When we leave PW, we trade the "cooler by the lake" route for the usually much warmer Interurban Trail.  Howl-ever, we still enjoyed a cool breeze as we traveled through the communities of Grafton, Cedarburg and Mequon.  In previous, hotter years I felt like abandoning the ride and jumping right over the fence into the Grafton (or Mequon) public pool!  One particularly hot year, I looked forward to just standing in the Mequon pool's shower with all of my clothes on.  Unfortunately, it turned out to be a hot shower offering no way to regulate the temperature.  Ugh!

Since its opening a few years ago, the trail bridge over Interstate 43 has really enhanced our enjoyment of the ride.  It eliminated two grueling hills and shaved about a mile off the total distance.  (It is still over 50 miles.)  During the ride back, Bob informed me that another improvement is in the works.  The trail is going to be straightened out at a point we now refer to as "Dead Man's Curve," where the trail makes an abrupt, right-angle turn to avoid a WE Energies substation.  Since the bridge seemed to take forever going from concept to reality, it should be interesting to monitor howl long the straightening takes!


As we approached our final scheduled rest stop, Mequon's public pool, Bob, Dave and Paul obliviously kept on pedaling.  Momentarily dumbfounded, I stopped at a picnic table, pulled out my cell phone and typed Bob's number, hoping he would hear the ring and answer since he has never set up his voice-mail.  When he did answer, I informed him that I was stopping as was traditional.  He said he would alert Dave and Paul.  When they all returned to the rest stop, Dave explained that they were anxious to get back to Bob's house [our starting point] for the celebratory beer!

Bob informed me that they would join me this year on the final leg of the Interurban Trail because Paul had discovered a new connecting trail that would take us beyond busy Brown Deer Road into Brown Deer Park and right onto the Oak Leaf Trail.  (Bob and Dave had obviously forgotten that I had also told them about this connector.)  Howl-ever, when the three of them continued east down Bradley Road, I decided to stick to the Oak Leaf Trail back to Bob's house.  (Paul later told me I would have been OK with his route as it was non-hilly.)

I arrived at Bob's house at 2:30 PM (we had started out at 7:30 AM), about five minutes behind the three of them.  According to my bicycle computer, I had traveled 55.44 miles and my actual riding time was five hours, leaving two hours for breakfast and rest stops.  Hostess Marie, Bob's wife, served us beer, snacks, washcloths and ice water at the afterglow party.  A special appearance at the party was made by a future rider on the PW 50, Bob and Marie's new, first, one-month-old grandchild, June Marie.  (June?  Poor kid!  Is this 2012 or 1912?  In case the parents happen to read this, just kidding!)   


My next major bike ride of the summer will be the second annual "Freak 50" on Labor Day.  It is also fifty miles (duh!) and the "Freak" is my nephew Dan.  In his teaching days (he is now a labor negotiator) he tried to look like his students, hence the moniker "Freak."  The nickname stuck even though today he looks more like Screech from "Saved By the Bell."  The route follows the Little Miami Scenic River Trail from Milford, Ohio (suburban Cincinnati) northeast to Morrow and returns the same way to Milford.  Last year there were 11 riders and four womanning the sag wagons and refreshments.  Check back here in September to see how we fared!

I survived the Port Washington 50! (Part I)

Where's my T-shirt and bumper sticker?  LOL!

[Actual day was Friday, July 20, 2012.]

While waiting for me to show up at the starting point, a black limousine drove by and turned around.  Leader Bob and participant Dave looked at each other.  "I know Larry inherited some money but this is ridiculous!"  (It was not I.)  When I did arrive, I commended Bob on his choice of day.  "You are a monster!  Either that or you sold your soul to the devil for this perfect day!"  (He is a big Harry Potter fan, so I am not ruling out witchcraft!)

Before we started out, Bob announced that we would not be allowed to take the pedestrian bridge over the deep ravine in Fox Point.  A couple of years ago the bridge was declared unsafe and the "impoverished" community of Fox Point has not been able to repair or replace it.  LOL.  As we bicycled north on Lake Drive, I noticed a new sign welcoming us to Bayside, another "impoverished" North Shore community.

As we passed the old George Pandl's restaurant building we noticed that it is now a synagogue.  I quipped, "Now that I no longer have contact with Herman [a Jewish former coworker], I have to get my education from Howard Wolowitz on The Big Bang Theory!"  

We continued on to our scheduled rest stop at Virmond Park in Mequon, rested and continued on to our next scheduled rest stop on the campus of Concordia University.  I would later quip, "We used to make better time getting to Port Washington before we were beguiled by the opulence of CU!"  I also lamented, "Why is my Lutheran congregation always hitting me up for money when it seems as if money is no object to CU?"  Before departing the campus, we checked out the new stadium of Robin Yount's Midwest Chinooks baseball team.  Dave raved, "What an intimate setting for a game and tickets are only five bucks!"

When we arrived at our breakfast venue and turnaround point, Harry's Restaurant in Port Washington, we were puzzled by the chairs lining Wisconsin Street.  I quipped to our waitress, "Do the people of Port Washington not realize that the Fourth of July has passed?"  "Oh, those chairs are for the Fish Day parade tomorrow."  "Shucky darn!" I responded.  "We came a day too early."  Breakfast tasted exceptionally good to me, perhaps due to the beautiful day.


To be continued...

  

More Airstream pictures from Craig's List posting

Bermuda Beach Blanket Bingo, Chapter VI, June 8, 2011

Since this was another totally "at-sea" day we took full advantage of the opportunity to sleep in.  We knew we would be having lunch in the Magellan Dining Room rather than the Windjammer because the Russos had to "slam" an extra bottle of wine from their "Platinum Package" (lushes!) that they had missed on Monday night due to our extended "shopping" tour of Bermuda.  We were as surprised to see waiter Darryl as he was to see us.  Our table companions, however, were from Pittsburgh and were not happy to learn we were from Wisconsin!  LOL!

I was going to participate in the belly flop competition, as I usually do, but by the time I reached the pool deck the entries were closed.  I don't think I would have beaten the eventual gold medalist, Corey from Vermont.  He had one weight class on me, if not two.  The Russos later suggested that I should have just brought along my sliver medal from a previous cruise.  I'll have to try to remember that for the next one!

We could not secure a good spot for the ice sculpting which followed the belly flopping so we turned our chairs around to face the deck 12 jogging track so we could watch the Russos participate in "Walk for Wishes" for the Make-a-Wish Foundation.  They made five laps around the track and we waved to each other on each pass.  Afterward, Jill decided we should also support the cause or perhaps she just liked the looks of the T-shirts.

While we continued working on our tans the Russos headed to the rock-climbing wall.  It was a very windy day and they were curious if it were even open to passengers.  I never did find out how that went!

After we figured we had had enough sun we went down to the Royal Promenade to shop.  I was already in the Champagne Bar before Jill had finished shopping.  Finally, I had to go roust her from the shops.  After a refreshing round of drinks we returned to our cabin only to find out we would later be heading right back to the Champagne Bar with the Russos!

We made our final visit to the Palace Theater to watch the farewell production, "Invitation to Dance."  It was choreographed by Louis Van Amstel of ABC's "Dancing with the Stars."  Even though we are not DWTS fans, we enjoyed the show.

We had a half hour to kill before dinner so, as previously reported, we returned to the Champagne Bar.  Dawson, our previous bartender/waiter, was surprised to see us back so soon.  Unfortunately, Ken was not too happy with Dawson, since every supposedly different drink Dawson mixed tasted like a "Toasted Almond" to Ken.  This became the standing joke of the night.

We had our final dinner with Darryl and Komang.  We could tell it was the last night because the kitchen was obviously trying to get rid of everything.  As I recall, we were able to sample just about every entree on the menu!  We were definitely stuffed after this meal!  Ken asked one of the other waiters to snap a group photo of the Russos with Darryl and Komang.  (As of this posting, I am still waiting for Ken to figure out how to get the picture out of his camera and into his email.  I am afraid I will have to wait until one of his "runaway" daughters returns home to teach him!  LOL!)  Komang and Lisa had to say good-bye for, most likely, forever.  Sniff, sniff!  Ken was highly steamed at the head waiter for not even bothering to make a cameo appearance at our table to accept his tip envelope and wondered aloud if the tip could be rescinded!  I told Ken I hadn't even bothered to bring my tip envelope along with me.  With the exception of lobster night, I never had any contact with him.  {THIS POSTING SHALL BE CONTINUED...}

My fellow Protestants let me down

I thought I would take a break from vacation journaling to bring you up to date on my quest for a part-time job.  Let's call this series "Larry's Bogus Journey."

During Fourth of July week I was informed by one of the agencies I have been working with that a Protestant-run retirement community was interested in my payroll expertise and wanted to interview me on July 14th.  They would get back to me later with the time.  So...July 14th arrived and I sat at my kitchen table waiting for the telephone to ring.  As my mother said in an oft-quoted, famous family recording I once made, "Here I sit with my education."  Finally, at 2:30, the long-awaited call arrived.  It was the lady from the recruiting agency.  "Here is what they told me," she began.  "You would soon be bored and ready to leave, so they are no longer interested in interviewing you."  "Wow," I replied.  She concluded our conversation with, "That's what you get for being a good employee."

Rather than go into a long tirade I will simply leave you with one of my favorite quotes, from the French mathematician and Catholic philosopher Blaise Pascal.  "Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from a religious conviction."  Amen.

Bermuda Beach Blanket Bingo, Chapter V, June 7, 2011

We barely made it down to the wharf on time for the “deluxe bus tour” [translation:  broken-down van] for the Horseshoe Bay Beach excursion.  David, a native Bermudian, was our driver.  Billed as a “pink” sand beach, it turned out to be a scam.  It looked like Bradford Beach sand to me except sans trash.  When our group decided on our spot, I backtracked up the beach to rent a chair for Jill.  The rental cost was $11 plus a $5 deposit, prompting another customer to chuckle, “You can buy this chair at Home Depot for $10 and keep it!”  I did not require a chair for myself since I stayed in the ocean the entire time.  Eventually, all of the Russos straggled into the water.  The only holdout was Jill.  I remember taking a temperature reading but it is not in my notes.  I do recall commenting that it was definitely not as warm as the Pacific Ocean off Hawaii.  We all liked the clear water and smooth, sandy bottom with no sharp pebbles.  Jill got a lot of sun on her face, which she loves.  Later, it would turn out to be lobster night, which couldn’t have been more perfect because Jill looked like one!  LOL!  On the drive back to the ship we asked David about the Waterloo House, a favorite haunt of Jill’s former client Lanny, a nine-time visitor to Bermuda.  David informed us that we were two years too late; the Waterloo House was history.  We would have to go back to Milwaukee and break the bad news to Lanny that we were unable to play skittles there.  L      

Back at the ship the Russos were determined to hit the hot tubs.  We tried to “feed” them a  lunch  invitation to the Windjammer but Diane protested, “I’m already wet!”  So we parted ways and headed to the Windjammer by ourselves.  Despite the ship being in port the Windjammer was as busy as if we were at sea.  Window tables were at a premium.  Fortunately, we spotted an elderly (well, older than us) couple leaving and immediately commandeered their table.  Unfortunately, they returned a couple minutes later and demanded their table back.  A real man would have protested but I immediately surrendered and moved to another.  A gentleman seated at another window table overheard our altercation and kindly offered his table to us.  Despite all of this we still managed to enjoy our lunch.  Finally, the wife of the other couple came over and apologized.  Sweet.

Ever heard of speed dating?  Well, after lunch all we had time for was speed shopping.  As we headed back out to King’s Wharf most of the passengers were returning to the ship.  We found the only shop with men’s tank tops at the Clock Tower Mall.  I tried on every XXL without success.  (Once again, growing boy.)  However, Jill scored two matching sweatshirts for us on sale.  Another shop was out of a beaded butterfly top Jill wanted.  Had the butterfly not flown away I would have selected a “Royal Naval Dockyard” tee in a matching color.  Instead she found  an “I  Love Bermuda” tank for herself and a “Dark ‘n’ Stormy” tee for me.       

We made it back to the ship at 4:30 on the dot [the passenger “curfew”].  Diane reported that after hot-tubbing she did some reading on her balcony and then showered.   We found the girls in their cabin.  We returned to our cabin and took a refreshing nap (sound familiar?).  Unfortunately, we napped straight through the “headliner” show.  Ken would later report that the comedian was very good.  Ugh!  We rejoined the Russos at 8:30 in the Columbus Dining Room.  Three of us made Ken queasy by ordering the mushrooms in puff pastry appetizer.  Yum!  As previously reported, it was lobster night.  More yums!  Even though Jill’s face matched the lobster, she did not order one.  Dessert was cherries jubilee.  A hat trick of yums! 

After dinner we headed down to Studio B for “The Quest.”  I remembered the title from the previous cruise but not what it was all about.  It soon came back to me, an adult scavenger hunt.  The audience was divided into teams.  The cruise director then asked each team to produce certain items, some innocent [a $50 bill] and others not so innocent [a bra].  The final “item” involved a male member of each team having to put on a bra, women’s shoes, etc., and then they were all judged in a mock beauty pageant.  It was hilarious. 

Our final activity of the day was watching the 70’s revue on the Royal Promenade.  The cruise director donned an Afro and led his staff, dressed as members of the Village People, in a medley of their hits.  The Russos retired and we went down to the Art Gallery and tried in vain  to find Jill’s picture with the “sailor” [a  member  of  the photographer’s staff dressed as one].

Bermuda Beach Blanket Bingo, Chapter IV, June 6, 2011

We started off the day with a tiny mishap.  We misplaced four people, the Russos!  After the Explorer of the Seas [that's our ship, by the way] docked at King's Wharf, Royal Naval Dockyard, Bermuda, we were supposed to meet just off the ship for the ferry to St. George.  There's no way we could have beaten the Russos off the ship, we thought, and Diane did mention that she did not want to miss the last [10:15] ferry.  So we shrugged our shoulders, purchased our all-day bus-and-boat passes and headed for the ferry.  I told Jill to hold our place in line and I would work my way to the front of the line and look for the Russos.  No luck.  As we waited to board, the 10:00 ferry started to pull away from the dock.  "They must be on that one," I sighed.  "We'll have to hook up in St. George."  As we were sitting aboard our ferry, waiting for the stroke of 10:15, Jill suddenly spotted the Russos ambling up the gangway!  "We thought we were meeting just outside the ship," gently scolded Diane.  "Well," I explained, "when we didn't see you at the ticket window, we thought we were late as per usual and headed straight for the ferry."  "Fortunately," Diane chuckled, "you both wore bright orange today and were easy to spot!"

The ferry ride to St. George took about one and one-half hours.  Our first stop on our self-guided walking tour was the Perfumerie, founded in 1928.  They not only sell perfume; they make it here as well.  Jill and I ultimately selected a bottle of "Fresh Water," a unisex scent, to share.

Our second stop was St. Peter's Anglican Church, founded circa 1612.  We were impressed by all the cedar (of Lebanon?).  The headstones on the graves encircling the church certainly looked as if they been there since the 1600's!

Our final stop was a bakery where we sampled rum cakes.  Yum!  We chuckled to ourselves, "Is that all there is to 'do' St. George?"  We asked the locals where the bus stop was and were directed to the police station.

Our first stop on our bus tour was Crystal Cave.  Zeko, our tour guide, led us down the 88 (!) steps to the cave.  He explained that the cave was originally discovered in 1907 by two boys retrieving their cricket ball.  He also told us that crystal-clear Cahow Lake at the bottom of the cave remained a constant 68 degrees, although it looked much colder to us.  One the many calcite formations was a Drexel [University] dragon [where Stephanie is attending medical school]!

During a moment of temporary insanity we had followed the Russos' lead and signed on for a second cave, Fantasy Cave, but my knees and I protested, "Another 88 steps are too much work for a vacation!"  At this point I was more interested in a cold "Dark 'n' Stormy" [national drink of Bermuda]!  Undaunted, the robust Russos tackled the second cave while we waited outside on a shady bench.  Shortly after we wimped out, another gentleman on what would have been our tour also followed suit, citing claustrophobia and 100% humidity inside the cave.  Tour guide for the second cave was Uniquo, which caused me to doubt that that was his real name and also question Zeko's!  When the Russos returned, I asked if they felt it were worth another 88 steps.  "Well," Diane replied, "there were a lot more, neat formations."  Nevertheless, I still think when you've seen one cave, you've seen 'em all!

For lunch/dinner [it was now 3:30] we chose the Swizzle Inn because it is the oldest pub in Bermuda [some 300 years old], because it is the home of the famous Bermuda rum swizzle drink and because, as Mallory said about Mount Everest, "it was there" [within walking distance of the caves].  There was some controversy between Diane and me about whether the rum swizzle or the "Dark 'n' Stormy" were the official drink of Bermuda.  According to Frommer's Bermuda 2011, "the rum swizzle is the most famous cocktail in Bermuda.  [However,] for decades, the true Bermudian has preferred a drink called 'Dark 'n' Stormy.'  It has been called the national drink of Bermuda."  Now having sampled both, Ken and I prefer the "Dark 'n' Stormy."  Thanks to Laurie, our ponderously slow waitress, we designated the Swizzle Inn a "dive" and a "mistake."  However, she turned out to be a blessing in disguise for the husbands.  By the time we reached Hamilton to do some shopping, it was 6:05 and Hamilton had already rolled up its sidewalks at 6:00!

We originally had planned to take the last ferry of the day at 8:30 back to King’s Wharf but Diane quipped disgustedly, “It [the last ferry] might as well be at 6:30!”  Ken and I snoozed on the way back.  Then, to add further torture to the day’s death march, they led us the wrong way to the ship and we had to backtrack.  After a quick shoe change we regrouped at Johnny Rockets for two-for-one milkshakes.  Yum!  (Poor Komang must have been longing for Lisa in the dining room.  L)  We were supposed to meet again in the Art Gallery but I suggested we rest our weary bones a bit and meet for the Newlywed Game instead.  After a refreshing nap we headed down to the Palace Theater.  Jill tried to volunteer us as one of the contestant couples but I refused to stand up.  I had to chuckle when I overheard someone seated behind me ask, “Why is that woman standing up by herself?”  The three couples selected were 60 years, 29 years and 3 days.  It was a hoot!  The 3-day couple prevailed.  The 60-year couple was cute but the wife was at a loss on how to answer the inappropriate questions!  It was a good thing Stephanie and Lisa are both over 21!  We then missed our final connection at the midnight buffet.  However, we did see the “Watermelon Man” sculpture and the palm trees made out of bread.  Failing to find the Russos, we called it a night.  However, I did leave a note in their keycard slot that we did make an effort to locate them.

Bermuda Beach Blanket Bingo, Chapter III, June 5, 2011

Since this was a totally "at-sea" day we took advantage of the opportunity to sleep in.  At 11:30 I went up to the Windjammer in search of a coffee fix and the Russos.  While sipping my coffee I listened to the captain's noon report:  65 degrees, calm seas, halfway between New Jersey and our final destination, Bermuda, 300-plus miles off the coast of Cape Hatteras, North Carolina.  When I had finished my coffee, I called Kommander Ken from the Windjammer's "house" phone (would that be "ship" phone?) to get the day's marching orders.  The six of us then had lunch together.  After lunch we went down to the Art Gallery to review our pictures.  The Russos were highly steamed that they could not locate their welcome-aboard picture.  Diane theorized that it had never been printed.  (They never did find it.)  Stephanie, Lisa and I donned our swimming suits and headed for one of the hot tubs on the pool deck.  Jill preferred to camp out in one of the nearby deck chairs while Diane and Ken opted for working out.  Stephanie, 25, and Lisa, just turned 21 in May, made up for lost time by having two drinks in the hot tub.  I called out to Jill, "Can you believe these two lushes?"  I then turned to Lisa and announced, "I am resting my liver for tonight."  "Where is the sport in that?" Lisa immediately quipped back.  After leaving the hot tub and drying off, we reassembled in Studio B for the ice skating show, "Spirit of the Seasons."  My personal favorite was Larissa the hula hoop girl, whom we would later meet in person on Thursday on the shuttle bus from the ship to US Customs.

It was then time to take showers and dress up for the one and only formal night of the cruise (thank you, Jesus!) although I had bought two shirts on the mean streets of Newark, risking my life!  Several lines had formed for formal pictures so, rather than try to locate the Russos, we just picked one line and got into it.  The little Asian photographer was very exacting but we would later be delighted with the results.  We soon found the Russos swilling free champagne near where the captain would soon be delivering his welcome-aboard address.  He would also go on to introduce his chiefs of staff, some of whom were German, explaining why we have never been disappointed with Royal Caribbean Cruise Line.  "When the Germans do something, they do it right."~Harry Vlahos  At dinner Komang continued to tell tales of Indonesia to Lisa and to us.  I did not notice this myself but I was told that, at one point, the head waiter became concerned with the disproportionate amount of time Komang was spending with Lisa.  This development took me down memory lane back to the Mexican cruise of 1997.  Most of the waiters paid special attention to surgically-enhanced "Barbie" [not her real name, just a nickname we gave her].  However, the head waiter not only had no objections to her distracting his wait staff but even wanted a piece of the action himself!  Diane and Ken took us by surprise by telling Darryl that they were very interested in India and even wanted to visit there.  This is news to us, thought Jill and I.  Diane and Ken later explained that it was only so that Darryl would not feel left out of the "Komang & Lisa Show."  I neglected to introduce the third member of our serving team, Jason the "shooter boy" from Mauritius [an island nation 500 miles east of Madagascar].  After each dinner Jason would appear with a tray of the "shooters" [shots] of the day in commemorative Royal Caribbean shooter glasses.  Each shooter consisted of Bailey's Irish Cream and one or more other ingredients.  "Everything tastes better with Bailey's in it."~Ken  The concept of "shooter person" was introduced to us on Diane and Jill's 50th birthday cruise in 2006.  Our first shooter person was a girl, Hangmi, from India, although she looked Asian.  To this day I am still highly steamed at Ken for not snapping a photo of the super cute Hangmi.  (Hey, I write; I don't do pictures.)  Diane, however, thought Jason was cute as well.

As I started typing this posting, I became excited when I noticed that I had a follower!  It turned out to be me.  LOL!  I have met the enemy and it is myself!

Bermuda Beach Blanket Bingo, Chapter II, June 4, 2011

I headed down to the lobby level of the hotel for a fix of my favorite morning beverage, a Starbucks venti mocha [for you non-Starbucks addicts, venti = Italian for twenty ounces].  I was outraged to find out that this particular franchise is closed on weekends, a disgrace to the Starbucks chain!  However, I did stumble upon another coffee shop farther down the concourse and scored a cup of hazelnut coffee.  After consulting the concierge so I would not waste my time or overtax my knees by setting out in the wrong direction, I left the hotel in search of Branford Place and a men's shop or two.  As I later confessed to the Russos, if Jill had known just how seedy the neighborhood was, she would not have let me go!  I did not find either of the men's shops I had encountered on yellowpages.com but as I was traveling west I spotted the Porto Bella Men's Shop on a cross street.  Jill had warned me that I would be paying a premium price in the NYC area, but when I saw the sign, "Buy 1 suit, get 2 suits free," I knew this cheap, German Lutheran had come to the right place!  The sales staff was very helpful, probably because they were bored to tears.  I had one salesman measure my neck since, even at 56, I am still a "growing boy" and I cannot remember the last time I wore a dress shirt.  [For you non-cruisers, there are usually one or two "formal" nights on a cruise.]  I selected two shirts, one dark purple and one beige.  I would later be complimented by Lisa on my matching tie and pocket square.

I "stalked" the Russos after checkout time and was surprised to find them still in their room.  I texted Diane that Jill was just about ready.  Diane responded that we would have to hire two cabs anyway so they would meet us at the ship.  Ironically, we ended up beating them to the port.  We were already standing in the boarding line when the Russos arrived.  Unfortunately, we were separated again when we did not have all of our necessary paperwork ready.  I recalled an email from Royal Caribbean back in March, "Your cruise documents are ready," but that had faded into the background after Jill's dad's fall.

After finally satisfying the check-in requirements and posing for our welcome-aboard photo we headed directly to the Windjammer Grill on deck 11 for lunch.  Assuming the Russos had gone to their cabins first, we reserved a table for six.  Since no good deed goes unpunished, the Russos had already started chowing down at another table without us!  Fortunately, Ken found us and guided us to their table.

After lunch we located our cabins and started to unpack.  The mandatory lifeboat drill temporarily interrupted our mission:  to find our first tropical drink.  By the way, this was our first-ever lifeboat drill without lifejackets.  After the drill we walked "upstream" against the flow of dispersing passengers and located the Russos farther up the deck.  [When we first booked our cruise the closest we could get to the Russos was 18 cabins away, so they were not assigned to our lifeboat.]  Our reassembled group headed directly up to the pool deck (#11).  Pina coladas (men) and mai-tais (females) were promptly ordered while we watched the ship pass dangerously close to the bottom of the Verrazano Narrows Bridge and the Manhattan skyline disappear into the distance.  The Russos decided to dance to the live DJ as we all wondered where the live steel band was.  Did Royal Caribbean cheap out on the entertainment?  I furtively snagged a towel from one of the VIP deck chairs to keep chilly Jilly warm.  We parted ways again when the Russos took off walking and we returned to our cabin to finish unpacking.

Our tentative plan was to regroup on the Royal Promenade at 6:30 for the complimentary liqueur tasting.  We held up our end of the bargain but the Russos found themselves in the Viking Crown Lounge and did not want to move so they sent Stephanie down to retrieve us.  By the time Stephanie found us we had reached the front of the line so we invited her to join us for a quick nip of liqueur before rejoining the rest of the group.  At 7:30, after a round of cocktails, we headed down to the Palace Theater for the "Welcome Aboard Show."  First up was a painter (why a painter?) who did not impress any of us with his skills and did not even finish his painting!  Fortunately, the guitarist/comedian who followed was very funny as well as very talented on his guitar--he impressed me with his intro to the Who's "Pinball Wizard"--but it took him until 8:40 to realize that he was losing most of his audience to the 8:30 dinner seating and he had better wrap it up!

At our first onboard dinner we met our waiter, Darryl from India, and his assistant, Komang from Indonesia.  The sudden and coincidental mention of "Indonesia" prompted the Russos to disclose to us for the first time that Lisa was soon headed there [specifically, the island of Bali] to study its music, one of the seven sub-disciplines [according to Ken] under the umbrella of "anthropology," the study of man.  Komang was more than happy to share information with Lisa and the rest of us about his homeland.  After dinner, I quipped to Lisa, "You made his day!" as we headed to the Royal Promenade and the casino, where Ken schooled his daughters in the finer points of roulette.  Finally, we called it a day at 11:00 PM because we had to turn our clocks ahead one hour to Bermuda time.  I continued writing until midnight or 1:00 AM Bermuda time.

For those of you who are still curious about "Lisa's Excellent Adventure in Bali" you may follow her at:

http://lisasmusicalbali.tumblr.com

Bermuda Beach Blanket Bingo, Chapter I, June 3, 2011

Go Airport Connection picked us up promptly at 5:50 AM. Ouch, that was early but we did not have any trouble getting up since we never went to bed! LOL! Our flight was very smooth and only took 1.75 hours. We flew on the owl’s plane but the Frontier flight crew never told us the owl’s name. The Newark airport ground crew took us by surprise with their baggage-handling efficiency. We proceeded immediately to the baggage carousel but our suitcases had already arrived and been moved to Frontier’s baggage office. So we sat there with our education for 45 minutes until I decided to inquire about them. There sat our three suitcases in the Frontier office. Live and learn!

We arrived at the Hilton Penn Station Hotel at 1:00. [We were happy that the Russos picked the Hilton so we could get our Hilton Honors points. FYI: Both Newark and New York City have a Pennsylvania Station.] Knowing the Russos would not be arriving until 4:30, we went down to the hotel’s restaurant for lunch. We each ordered a celebratory, start-off-the-vacation Bloody Mary. Little did we know our presumptuous waitress would bring us super-hot ones! Jill finally had hers remade; I kept adding water to mine until I finished it; I refuse to be beaten!

We returned to our room and took a refreshing, four-hour nap. We would not have survived the rest of the day without it. I texted Diane that we were in room 828 and awaiting our marching orders from Kommander Ken. She texted back that the girls had just arrived via three connecting trains from Philadelphia. We rendezvoused at 7:00 and headed out. The original plan was genuine New York City deli food and an early night. We took the train from Newark’s Penn Station to NYC’s Penn Station. The Russos had located a deli within walking distance of the latter. [Unfortunately, the name of the deli is not in my notes.] We shared a plate of normal-looking pickles and neon-green pickles. The latter had a very mild taste. I quipped that they were still cucumbers which had not completed the metamorphosis to pickles! Personally, I think that Milwaukee cole slaw is better than the NYC-deli variety. Each couple and the two girls split a sandwich due to their enormous size.

Since the Empire State Building appeared to be only a couple of blocks away, we walked over for a tour. Walt Disney, the master of hidden mazes, would be proud how, after a short wait on the ground floor for an elevator to the 80th floor, the unwitting tourist alights to find himself/herself in a hidden maze there winding its way to a second elevator to the 86th floor, where the actual observation deck is. [Perhaps the ESB got the idea from Walt!] While we were waiting I tried to call Moms Wolf but thanks to AT&T, the world’s worst network, I could not get a signal. It was a cool night out on the observation deck. I was attired in a tank top and shorts from the scorching NYC daytime so after making one circuit of the deck I returned inside. Not only did the height make me nervous but also the tourists holding their cameras. I was expecting someone to drop his/her camera 86 stories!

Our day did not become a “Bataan death march” until we could not find our train back to Newark. Diane attempted to ask an employee dressed like a conductor but he was no help. “I am not sure where this train [the one he was standing next to] is going. You’ll have to check the monitor.” Despite the size of NYC and the level of activity in the station, there was no information person on duty. Finally, Stephanie, I believe, determined that we wanted the 11:52 train. The track is not announced until ten minutes prior to departure so at 11:42 our group plus other assembled interested parties made a mad dash for track #11.

At the tail end of our ride back to Newark we were “entertained” by two men who were verbally sparring in a racially-motivated exchange. They intended to kick their dispute up a notch to fisticuffs as soon as the train stopped but, thankfully, transit cops arrived before the throw down. We could not return to our hotel via the bridge connecting it to Penn Station because the bridge was closed. “This is a high crime area,” noted Diane. “On that note,” I quipped, “thanks again for inviting us!” Despite the Russos’ good intentions of making this an early night, we returned to our hotel at 12:30 AM!

Welcome to Straight From the Penguin's Beak!

Welcome to my blog!  Visit here often for Larry's and Jill's Excellent Adventures!

~Larry a/k/a Wolfconsin